I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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