That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
