his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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