my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
