if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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