Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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