Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
