my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
