Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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