please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
