would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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