so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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