I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
