So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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