I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
