I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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