Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sober January is a disaster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
