i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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