Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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