I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
