Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
