like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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