Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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