Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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