I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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