no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize