i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
