That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
