nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
