Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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