I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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