Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
