You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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