i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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