The maid of honor just puked.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
