I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
