Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
