I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
