I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
