i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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