ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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