No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize