We're like a lot better than the average bears
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
