last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize