I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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