All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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