R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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