I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to have your abortion
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
