remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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