I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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