this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me