first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.