Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool

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  (972): the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool http://tfl.nu/pe2b
  Replies (13) Good night (558) Bad night (888)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock

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  (202): why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock http://tfl.nu/5322
  Replies (23) Good night (897) Bad night (3744)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

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  (507): You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone http://tfl.nu/s3uu
  Replies (7) Good night (5195) Bad night (543)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over

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  (704): we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over http://tfl.nu/0v4z
  Replies (14) Good night (4774) Bad night (1218)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8770) Bad night (1157)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

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  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (6122) Bad night (1171)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

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  (505): All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice. http://tfl.nu/9vs4
  Replies (9) Good night (2787) Bad night (1096)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.

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  (336): He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one. http://tfl.nu/csjr
  Replies (10) Good night (1252) Bad night (4820)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.

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  (859): She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding. http://tfl.nu/udu2
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (1876)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.

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  (207): We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/8fko
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (673)
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  (714): View more from California

  I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed

  (949): View more from California

  Someone's stooooned

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  (714): I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed (949): Someone's stooooned http://tfl.nu/d50z
  Replies (13) Good night (1895) Bad night (555)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed

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  (613): So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed http://tfl.nu/pqem
  Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (259)
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  (209): View more from California

  I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.

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  (209): I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately. http://tfl.nu/q37y
  Replies (0) Good night (346) Bad night (275)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol

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  (306): so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol http://tfl.nu/scq5
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (303)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.

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  (406): Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility. http://tfl.nu/8bx1
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (283)

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