You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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