Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

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  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (19599) Bad night (1384)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

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  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5938) Bad night (968)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

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  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10942) Bad night (2683)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

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  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5645) Bad night (1051)
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  (661): View more from California

  the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero

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  (661): the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero http://tfl.nu/o327
  Replies (6) Good night (3100) Bad night (982)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY

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  (304): Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY http://tfl.nu/auio
  Replies (6) Good night (1245) Bad night (535)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.

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  (651): You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out. http://tfl.nu/2o8m
  Replies (5) Good night (2319) Bad night (709)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!

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  (778): I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin! http://tfl.nu/eqwy
  Replies (9) Good night (1147) Bad night (835)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer

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  (306): All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer http://tfl.nu/jur4
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (592)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.

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  (843): In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight. http://tfl.nu/6bps
  Replies (3) Good night (760) Bad night (496)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'

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  (902): I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me' http://tfl.nu/k715
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (335)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit

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  (585): Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit http://tfl.nu/5lf7
  Replies (3) Good night (569) Bad night (325)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.

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  (616): Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did. (616): So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that. http://tfl.nu/as93
  Replies (0) Good night (495) Bad night (634)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand

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  (703): we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand http://tfl.nu/zspz
  Replies (1) Good night (795) Bad night (484)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.

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  (479): It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there. http://tfl.nu/imls
  Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (246)

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