Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.