suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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