he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
