Me. At least after what I've been through.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
