he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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