So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize