we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
