we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
