oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
