is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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