I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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