Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
