just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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