I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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