i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize