That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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