I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
