I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
