I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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