My sheets look like a crime scene.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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