I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize