i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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