Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize