i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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