The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
