Plan B is the new Plan A
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
