man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
