soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
